


Quid Pro Quo

by mad2thebone



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-29
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-05-24 01:04:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6136101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mad2thebone/pseuds/mad2thebone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura doesn't want to face her ex alone, so LaF gets Carmilla to agree to a deal that might change the rules she has set for their interaction and maybe a lot more.</p><p>Fake Dating AU feat. Carmilla and her stupid reasons, oblivious Laura and matchmaker LaFontaine who can't watch their friends avoiding the inevitable any longer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fandom has already a bunch of those, but you can never have enough fake dating, I thought, and started writing another one...  
> It will most likely have 4 or 5 chapters tops and for the most part it's already written, but on paper, so it shouldn't take that long to post all of it. Anyway, I hope you like it.

The first thing you hear when you get home from work is the sound of something hitting wood followed by a sustained whiny sound.

“It’s gonna be awful.”

You know that sound, or better that voice. Although you always hope she’d just stop hanging out at your apartment all the time. You enter the kitchen and find them, the small brunette hammering her head against the surface of the kitchen table and your redheaded roommate patting her back.

“Did they cancel another one of your TV-shows, creampuff?” You ask mockingly. For as long as you can remember that has been the only way you communicate with her.

“Ha ha,” she replies without lifting her head.

“Your favorite cookies are taken out of the range of products?” You try again and chuckle. She’s usually predictable like that.

She groans, her head still on the table and LaFontaine looks at you with a stern expression, but their lips twitch. “Leave her alone. It’s an actual reason this time.”

“What do you mean _an actual reason_? I have always _actual reasons_.” With this Laura looks up and glares at LaF. “And before you continue to mock me, I want to remind you that _you_ still rage about Firefly.”

“That’s because it was an awesome show and they cancelled it before it even had the chance to fully develop its potential.”

“I think she got you there, mad scientist.” You grin and make your way to the fridge.

“And you!” She points in your direction and it’s really embarrassing how you flinch under her gaze and stop in your tracks. “Don’t think I forgot how you whined about how the asian place down the street changed the ingredients of your favorite sauce for years, every time LaF tried to order something.”

“I didn’t… “ You start, mildly offended

“You did,” Laura cuts you off and then slumps back into her chair. “Can we go back to my problem now?”

“Go on,” you say, grab a coke and start searching the fridge for anything to snack. “I’ll leave you to what I’m sure is a very important conversation as soon as I find something to eat.”

There’s a short pause and you continue to look through the things when Laura starts talking again as if you had already left the room.

“It’s not like I can avoid Danny all evening and I’m sure she’ll be there with Betty and they will be perfect like they have always been and I don’t want to deal with that. And without you there I won’t even have a buffer.”

“I don’t know, say ‘ _hi, nice to meet you again, see ya’_ and go talk to someone else.” LaFontaine suggests and whatever they are talking about, you’re sure you’d agree with them, except that you’d never recommend being that polite towards the gargantuan ginger who is unfortunately Laura’s ex. But better ex than girlfriend.

At least now you don’t have to see her any more. You and her never got along, from the first day you met her in high school until they broke up. You chuckle at the wide range of possibilities of insulting nicknames, that was the part you always enjoyed.

“What about you, are you going?” They call louder than before and you’re pretty sure they’re talking to you again, although you’re not sure why.

“What are you talking about?” you ask irritated.

“Silas High reunion of senior class ’06. I handed you the invitation last week,” LaFontaine says and grins smugly when you turn around to see if they’re serious.

“Why are you not going?” You ask back and finally grab some leftovers, so you can leave. “And nope. I’m not.”

“Perry and I are going to that science symposium I talk about my latest research at,” they say, and add ”You should totally go together,” as if they hadn’t heard your second statement at all.

“What part of ‘ _I’m not going’_ did you misunderstand?” you grumble and take a sip of your coke at the same time Laura asks “And why would that change anything?”

“I mean as a couple,” LaFontaine clarifies and you almost choke on your drink.

Laura’s eyes grow wide. “Ooh.”

You cough a few times before you dare to speak again. “There was only one person I tolerated in High School, and I already have to see you every day, so why would I even go?”

“That’s so sweet. The generosity of your heart?“ LaF laughs and you roll your eyes.

“Thanks for trying LaF, but she doesn’t want to. I’m going to be alone there and Danny is going to pity me, because I bet her life is perfect by now and I will feel totally incapable as always.” Laura interrupts the two of you and buries her head in her hands. Ugh, why does this have to tug on your heart. But you can’t give in that easy. And besides, it’s just a really, really bad idea.

“You could always stay at home, like any sane person would,” you suggest.

“But I want to go, see some of my old friends, find out what they’ve done in the last 10 years, talk about old times. I don’t want to be the person who never shows up.”

Of course she has to romanticize the whole thing. High school was awful, a whole lot of unnecessary classes and stupid, judgmental teenagers everywhere. For all you remember, it wasn’t that much better for her than for you. The three of you were all weird in your own ways, more or less outcasts and you can definitely do without reliving that time.

You wonder if Laura wants to prove that she’s better now. More confident, less affected by others. If that’s the case she can succeed easily.

You notice you’ve been staring at her and you quickly focus randomly on different things in the room before you look tentatively to LaFontaine to see if they noticed. It looks like you’re lucky, but they have that look on their face that tells you they plan something.

“What if Laura could offer an incentive?” They ask slowly and a grin spreads on their face.

“Maybe _Laura_ would want to know what exactly she’d offer,” Laura chimes in and raises her eyebrows in LaF’s direction.

“Relax, it’s basically the same,” they answer her and then turn to you. “That business party your mother bugs you with.”

Needless to say, you know what they’re talking about. And you have a pretty good idea of what they think you should do, but they have never met your mother, you carefully avoided that in all those years, and therefore they have no idea what they’re actually suggesting here.

“And why exactly should that convince me?” You ask, although the pout on Laura’s face has already done that.

“You can take Laura as your girlfriend and avoid the three to five suitable blind dates your mother is going to provide for you.”

It sounds so easy the way they say it. Just bring a fake girlfriend and have your problem solved. But if you do that you’d have to live with the consequences. That was the reason why you played by her rules so far.

Still, it is kind of tempting. You could definitely surprise your mother. There would be no going back.

You doubt, you’ll be actually going through with this, but you could still blow it off after the reunion. That way you could save your face and find an excuse afterwards.

“Okay, if this is what you want, we have a deal.” You say reluctantly. And all that thinking about your mother reminded you of something. “But I’m going to stay with you, there’s no way in hell or heaven that I’ll visit my family twice in one month.”

“It’s better than going alone, I suppose,” Laura answers equally less certain than you feel about the whole thing. You can’t blame her, you’re barely friends, you’ve known each other for a really long time, but ultimately you only share a friend. But at least, you think, you share the belief that this is going to end horribly.

 

~

 

“It’s a terrible idea.” You say in a hushed voice as soon as Carmilla vanishes into her room.

“Why?”

“Aren’t you the one who tries to convince me Carmilla has a crush on me since like forever?”

“Yes, because she does.” LaFontaine states, and you always wonder how they can be so committed to their theory, when you never saw the slightest proof of it.

“She’s not even remotely friendly when I’m around.”

“That might have been true years ago. Don’t tell me you didn’t notice the difference between when you met and now.” They shrug. “And still she was always a lot nicer to you than to anyone else, except for maybe me. And she agreed to help you now and spend a lot of time with you in the process.”

“Yeah, barely. After there was something in it for her as well, that’s a solid indicator, I’m sure,” you say and roll your eyes.

“But aren’t you the one telling me I’m wrong every time?” They ask, and you don’t appreciate them mocking you.

“Because you are. I don’t even know how you can claim something like that. You know better than anyone about that ridiculous amount of barely clothed women frequenting her room.”

“Actually, it’s not that ridiculous. Maybe one every other month? And I haven’t seen any in at least four months.”

You’re confused for a moment. It’s like every time you end up on their couch after you went out or just stayed too long watching bad movies with LaF there’s a girl leaving early in the morning. You usually wake up when they cross the living room to do that, so you should know.

“That’s not the point. The point is she’s not into me.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

You don’t really have an answer to that. You just have an exceptionally bad feeling about everything. How could anyone ever believe Carmilla and you could be a couple, all she ever does is say things that drive you up the wall.

“Maybe I just take Carmilla with me as a friend so I don’t have to talk to Danny and Betty alone. That’s less she has to do, I bet she’d like that.”

“Sure, you could, but imagine that scene. You’d have a probably bored Carmilla next to you and given their history, all she’d do is insult Danny and complain. All while Danny can make you feel – what was that? _Incapable_?” They explain and it’s something you can vividly picture.

“And why would that be different when we pretend to be together?” You ask, and really, you don’t see why Carmilla should behave any different, so you can just call it off right away.

“First of all, to make it somehow convincing, she has to. And if she wants you to be convincing in front of her mother, she’ll play along at the reunion. Plus, it’s more fun bullshitting everyone else anyway.”

“I hope you’re right”

 

 

The next morning you have almost forgotten about what LaFontaine got you into until you see the invitation to the reunion on your living room table where you put it when you left to meet LaF the day before.

You had it for a few days and you already knew that it was forseeable to arrive, but you still kind of panicked when you began to think about the prospect of seeing your ex and your roommate from university again. And now you’re going with Carmilla. Who you spent most of the time wanting to punch right in the face every time she made fun of you. Who can barely stand being in the same room as you for 15 minutes. And you’re going to pretend that you’re together. Crap, what have you been thinking?

You definitely need to practice before you’re going, or this will end in a disaster. Your thumb hovers over her contact in your phone when you notice that it’s too early in the morning for her, and you doubt you’ll achieve anything when you call her now. You and her might not get along very well, but you have a mutual friend for over a decade and you know some things about her. At least that’s going to help you pretending.

Two hours later you can’t wait any longer and you press call on that number Carmilla didn’t even give you herself all those years ago. Because ‘ _It’s convenient since you’re living with my best friend’_ is apparently not a good enough reason for you to have it, ‘ _there’s no reason for you to call me anyway_ ’.

God, how are you supposed to survive that evening, or rather two evenings. You should just call it off and go alone. How bad could it be?

Still, you really don’t want to face Danny and Betty alone and Carmilla has been maybe not actually friendly, but at least civil lately. But they have to believe Carmilla and you are a couple, which is going to be difficult enough.

It rings a few times and then you’re greeted with an incoherent sound.

“How long are we together?” You blurt out, and yeah, you should have started with a greeting and introducing yourself, like a decent human being.

“What?” You can’t even blame her for being confused.

“Sorry, uhm, hey.” Eloquent. But you guess she knows who you are.“We need to make sure our stories match. So how long are we together?”

“Cupcake, I’m sleeping,” she mumbles.

“It’s almost noon.”

“Doesn’t change that I was fast asleep until a minute ago.”

Can’t she just one time meet you half way? You have to talk about this, otherwise you’ll just make a fool of yourself. You ignore her and continue telling her what you want to.

“So I was thinking we could meet today or tomorrow to discuss what we need to know for this to work out and I know you don’t want to do this, so I can just come by whenever you’re free so you don’t even have to go somewhere…”

“Still sleeping.”

“You talking says otherwise,” you counter and in less than five minutes she already irritates you again. It’s not that you ask that much. Just a little bit of cooperation. ”So, since you’re awake now, can you just tell me a time and…”

“I’m not,” Carmilla interrupts you and you hate that. “We have like two hours on our way there where you can bore me with all the little details I’m sure you’ll be making up.”

“What if that’s not enough? Don’t you think we should practice somehow?”

“I’m hanging up.”

“Wait,” you exclaim and you can hear her sigh through the phone, but there is at least one thing you need to talk about before. “How do we get there? I usually take the train to visit my dad, should I buy tickets?”

“I’m driving,” she says without hesitation and you’re surprised. You know she has a car, but she usually refuses to drive anywhere when you’re out with LaF and her. And the one or two times she agreed to take her car LaF had to drive so she could drink.

“But…” You try again to get her to agree to another meeting beforehand, but she cuts you off again.

“Bye, shortstack,” she says and then the line is dead.

This is going to be a disaster.

 

~

 

You end the call and sigh again. You fall back into your pillows, but you doubt you can sleep any longer. That doesn’t stop you from trying though, but you give up soon and go to the kitchen where LaF sits and drinks coffee.

“It’s a terrible idea,” you grumble and go to get yourself a mug. At least they had the decency to make enough coffee for you both.

“Well, good morning to you, too,” they answer overly cheerful and they know how much that pisses you off right after you wake up.

“Guess who just called me, to discuss the details of our non-existing relationship.”

They laugh and you want to punch them, but they’re your oldest friend and you resist barely. Instead, you glare at them. “What makes you even think the cupcake and I are convincing as a couple?”

“You are, believe me,” they say and you hate that smug grin they’re sporting.

“That’s not even an answer. And I should have asked that yesterday, but why are you so invested in this?” You ask them and sit on the opposite side of the kitchen table.

“I just wanted to help my friends,” they answer innocently and you narrow your eyes.

“Is that some kind of weird plan to set us up? Because if it is, it’s not going to work.” You’re already pretty sure that is exactly what it is, but you want to hear it and you want them to know what you think about it.

“Do you still want to pretend that you’re not crushing on L for as long as I can remember?”

Ugh, you hate that subject even though you know this time you kind of provoked it. They bother you with it since High School. At least every three months they find any sort of reason to start with the same conversation over and over again. _I saw you watching her, Carmilla. You’re totally jealous, Carmilla. Just tell her already, Carmilla._

And the worst part is that they’re right. You admitted that to yourself a long time ago, but that doesn’t mean you have to admit it to them, too.

“That doesn’t deserve an answer.”

“See, you can’t even deny it.”

“Even if I was, and I’m not saying I am, then she would still not be interested,” you state and take a big sip out of your mug.

“Keep telling yourself that. Have you ever noticed her staring at you in those stupid leather pants?” They roll their eyes and groan. “Seriously, you two are the worst. If you’d just stop acting like an asshole around her, she would start seeing you for the person you are, instead of the person who tries to make her life as hard as possible. Just try it, it’s not that difficult.”

“That required for you to be right and for me to _care_.” You say with emphasis and they shake their head in disbelief, so you decide to change the topic. “Why are you so focused on me anyway, don’t you have disgustingly cute dates to plan for you and June Cleaver or something like that?”

“Nope, _my_ love life is all good.” They answer, but they can’t help that dopey grin that appears on their face every time they think of Perry. You use that to your advantage since they started dating a few moths ago. It’s ridiculous how easy they get distracted, but it comes in handy in situations like this.

You don’t need them to meddle with your life. It’s complicated enough without them trying to get you to date anyone.

 

 

Laura tries to get you to meet her a few more times over the next weeks, but your answer stays the same. She can talk on your way there. She tries to get you to talk about it every time she visits LaF, too. But by no means are you going to talk about faking a relationship with someone you have very real feelings for when your insufferable roommate watches you closely.

As a sign of goodwill you pick her up at her apartment the Saturday of the reunion. The plan is to be at her dad’s house in the afternoon, spend the evening at your old school, spend the night and drive back sometime Sunday afternoon. That’s about 24 hours you’re going to spend with her and you have decided to not make this harder than it needs to be.

You know that it’s your own fault you’re doing this. Usually you avoid spending time with Laura, so if there’s something she needs it’s LaF asking for help. And you can easily say no to LaFontaine.

But one day of getting along is not going to change anything between the two of you. It’s fine the way it is. You can just go back to being rude afterwards and mostly ignore her, then there will be no problems. Although you know that your comments don’t hold the same bite, they did a few years ago.

As you expected, Laura talks for most of the car ride. She asks you about little details of your fake relationship you will never remember, but you wonder who would want to know these very private things in a casual conversation.

“Are you even listening?” Laura’s voice comes through the haze that is your thoughts.

“About eight months together, we’re very happy, last Christmas we spent with your dad and we’re planning a vacation for the summer, but we’re still arguing about the destination.” You recite what you think are the relevant facts of that half hour talk you just listened to and add ”Though I have a feeling you will win that argument, creampuff.”

“At least for once your stupid nicknames are useful,” she grumbles. “We still don’t have a story of how we got together.”

She bugs you with this since you’re on the road and you don’t want to talk about it. You have something in mind, but you can’t discuss that now, it’s just weird. “I told you, I’ll improvise.”

“I don’t like that,” she says and pouts.

“I’ll think of something, don’t worry,” you assure her and that seems to be sufficient.

She lets you drive in peace for a few minutes and you tap your fingers on the steering wheel to the music. You expected her to complain about your music right when you put it on. Despite all goodwill, this is your car, and you won’t ever let her play Taylor Swift or anything like that in here. But so far she didn’t mention it.

“What do we tell my dad?” She asks a while later quietly and your taken aback.

“I hope you told him that I’m staying with you.”

“Yes, of course,” she says and you’re relieved. “But I didn’t tell him why.”

You don’t need to piss off a seemingly overprotective parent just by showing up on their doorstep. This evening is going to be stressful enough.

“We don’t have to fool him, do we?”

“No. But I don’t want to tell him that I need a fake girlfriend because I’m too afraid to talk to my ex.”

From the corner of your eye you see her biting her lip self-consciously. You know the feeling. You’re not too keen to disappoint your mother, too, even though that’s apparently what you do over and over again.

“Then don’t tell him,” you answer and shrug. “Say I don’t want to stay with my family and LaF’s not going. Not that far from the truth.”

“You’re okay with that?” She still sounds insecure.

“Why not? The only lie is that I want to be there, I can live with that,” you chuckle.

Outside, the landscape is slowly changing and you’re getting closer to Silas. You try to ignore that you actually enjoy Laura’s company. It’s not that much of a surprise, since you’re a little biased when it comes to her, but usually when you have to be around her she gets on your nerves after a while.

Now you get the feeling, that you might provoke that by being a jerk. Which is fine. She shouldn’t like you anyways.

This weekend is not going to make anything easier for you.

 

~

 

“You think big red is going to see you and fall right back into your arms?”

You jump and some of your eyeshadow smears over your cheek. You turn around and find Carmilla leaning against the frame of the bathroom door.

“You startled me,” you say, turn back to the mirror and grab the make-up remover to clean your cheek. “And that’s not what this is about.”

“Sure.” Her voice is dripping with sarcasm.

When you look into the mirror at the right angle, and when you’re not preoccupied by staring into your own eyes to not mess up your make-up you can see her reflection behind you. She’s wearing her leather pants. You always wondered how she can be comfortable wearing something that looks like it’s painted on and you can tell that she’s wearing a black bra since her top is almost see through.

You hear her chuckle and of course she totally noticed you checking her out. At least you have a good excuse to stare tonight. The good thing is, she definitely is a hot fake girlfriend, but you already knew that.

“No, really. We’re totally over. I wouldn’t want her back, but she broke up with me so I have to look good. Otherwise, she’d win.” You explain and try again with the eyeshadow.

“Win what?”

“She’s the one with the serious relationship, promising career, possibly the prospect of children and an overall well planned life. I have to win something.”

Carmilla looks at you like you’ve just lost your mind. “You’re ridiculous.”

“What if that was Ell?” You ask. As far as you know she has one ex, and that break up had to be bad enough to stop her from trying. She will understand if she can relate.

“Who cares?” She replies and now you’re confused.

“Didn’t she fuck you up?” You can’t stop yourself from blurting out and you already regret it while you say it.

“You sure know how to tactfully approach a sensitive matter,” Carmilla states and you feel the blood rushing into your face.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have…” You start, but then you hear her chuckling and she looks at you in the mirror with an amused impression.

“I was kidding. We had a bad break up over a decade ago, why would it still bother me?”

Because it’s human, you want to say, because not everyone can act that aloof, but then you remember that Ell was a year older than Carmilla. “That’s easy to say, given the fact that she’s not going to be there.”

“Even if she was there, why would it be important for me to impress her? I don’t even know what she does now, her life could suck for all I know.”

“Or she could be a doctor or a hot shot lawyer with a super hot girlfriend or wife who’s also successful in whatever she does, and together they save the world a little bit more every day.”

“Or she could be a real estate mogul or some industrial giant who lost all of her humanity,” she counters and it’s almost impressive how she can make everything sound depressing. “But I get the point. Maybe in that case I’d be grateful to look good, too.”

“See,” you grin and you got her there. You start applying mascara when you realize what she just said and stop in the movement. “Are you implying that I look good?”

“You look fine, cupcake, can we go now and get this over with?”

She surprised you multiple times already. Not once you butted heads with her today, she never purposely ignored you and she even made an effort when your dad interrogated her in the way he treats everyone he doesn’t know, but now you’re actually stunned. A compliment from her mouth, even if it’s concealed is not what you’re used to.

You shake your head and after a few finishing touches you turn to her.

“Okay, I’m ready.”


	2. Chapter 2

“This school looks even more run down than I remember it to be,” is the first comment Carmilla makes after she pulls into the parking lot.

“Did you really hate High School that much?” You ask her, and you genuinely want to know. The fact that apparently you can talk without wanting to strangle her this weekend is definitely something you’re going to take advantage of.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Let’s see.” She starts sarcastically and turns off the car before she puts her hand under her chin in a mock pensive position. “Maybe it was the fact that I had to endure countless lectures from teachers who knew next to nothing about their so called profession. Or it was how it kept me from doing things I was actually interested in all day. Or maybe, _just maybe,_ it was the way Mr Whistler reminded me constantly how religion is the only thing that keeps me from sinning and how gay people are going to _burn in hell_ _for all eternity.”_

“Okay, I get it.” You know Mr Whistler was a conservative dick, but he left you alone and you didn’t really notice that he had it in for Carmilla. Although you’re pretty sure a lot more people at school knew about Carmilla being gay than about you, at least until you started dating Danny at the end of your senior year. “But it kind of surprises me that you’re bothered by the prospect of hell. I’d have thought you were the kind of person who thinks the devil could be their best buddy.”

“It doesn’t bother me.” She honestly laughs and it baffles you. You know her for that long, but it is still a pretty foreign sound. It lasts only seconds before she’s back to her usual distanced self. “But since I have already met her, I can assure you, I’m not.”

“I’m not following here.”

“My mother and I are definitely not best buddies.” She elaborates and you’re sure she’s a little dramatic here.

”I’m sure you and your mother have your differences, but the devil, really?” You ask and raise your eyebrows.

“Don’t judge before you met her.”

You almost forgot there was a second event that belongs to your agreement. One that involves meeting her family. But as long as spending time with Carmilla goes as smoothly as it does so far, you don’t have any problems with that.

“I can’t wait.” You say and grab the door handle.

She notices and answers your unspoken question with a shrug before she exits the car and you follow her towards the building.

 

~

 

The gym looks a lot like it did for prom, but there’s no space that’s supposed to be a dance floor and the people that are already there mostly sit or stand around the various tables. You hated prom. The only reason you went was because LaF begged you for weeks and bribed you with hard liquor. You quit the party and got drunk together in an empty classroom later.

You look around and there’s a large buffet along one of the walls, so at least you can spend the time stuffing your face with food.

Something warm encloses your hand and when you look down you realize that Laura just grabbed it and she tugs slightly so you follow her into the room. She makes small talk with your old math teacher for a few minutes and greets some people before she asks if you want to grab some food.

She has to let go of your hand when you both take plates and scan the table to decide what you want to eat and you immediately feel cold. You take a deep breath because you have to stop this right now. There’s no way you won’t regret this evening.

You load your plate with the most greasy things you can find and trail after Laura to a table where you join SJ and Natalie to eat. You remember them vaguely, but you’re pretty sure they were the kind of athletic, popular girls who would have at the utmost tolerated a nerdy kid like Laura.

There you definitely find your previous theory confirmed that she wants to prove herself this evening. You’re pretty sure she’s exaggerating when she tells them about her writing career, since you know she’s additionally a waitress until she can actually live on the writing she does for a local newspaper, but you’re pretty sure only by saying she graduated from university she could have impressed these two.

Apparently SJ married her High School boyfriend Kirsch, shortly after school and forgot about every ambition she ever had. Kirsch is a guy you remember as being remarkably slow, and despite being somewhere around, he thankfully hasn’t found his way to you for now.

And you don’t pay enough attention to hear what Natalie is actually doing, but she seems to get fired every other week and still live with her parents.

They leave after a while to look for Kirsch and you’re still preoccupied with eating when you notice two exceptionally tall figures standing near the buffet and they’re definitely carefully observing you. The red headed giant notices first that they have been caught, says something to her company and they make their way over.

You nudge Laura with your elbow and nod in the direction of the two people walking towards you as subtle as possible when she looks at you. Her eyes narrow when she realizes what you’re calling her attention to.

“Here we go.” She says quietly and you hear her take a deep breath before she forces herself to smile and turn towards them.

“Hey, Hollis.” Danny says, and she stops a few steps in front of your table as if she doesn’t know if it’s okay to come closer. “It’s been a while.”

“Hi, Danny. How have you been?”

You observe the blonde figure who lingers a bit in the background. You never met her, but that has to be Betty. Laura’s former roommate and her replacement as girlfriend. At least, you think, they have almost the same height. You still wonder how Laura ever kissed the giraffe. She had to climb a ladder or something to initiate anything.

Danny must have replied, you didn’t listen, but then Laura says “hi, Betty” and gets up to give them both awkward half-hugs by leaning across the table. She stays on her feet next to you before she obviously decides it’s time to bring attention to you. “Danny, I’m sure you remember Carmilla.”

“Xena.” You say and nod in her direction. You’re here to convince them you and Laura are dating, that doesn’t require being nice to anyone but her. In fact you think it would be rather suspicious.

“Carm, this is Betty. She was my roommate at university.” Laura continues and you wonder for a second why it doesn’t bother you at all that she’s shortening your name. “Betty, this is Carmilla, my… girlfriend.”

You hear the slight insecurity in her voice and the short pause right before the word girlfriend, but you don’t think anybody else noticed. But if she even struggles with small details like this you’ll need to help a lot to make this convincing.

You get up and extend your hand to Betty and while she shakes it, you feel Danny’s piercing glance on you. Without hesitation you take a step back to stand next to Laura and lay your arm around her waist.

“That sounds like an interesting story.” The amazon says and she keeps an eye on you.

“What does?” Laura asks.

“How you and the person I recall you saying is ‘ _infuriating and nerve-wracking and why is LaF even friends with her’_ got together.”

You chuckle because you can barely contain laughing really loud. “Is that what you really thought of me?” You ask her and you want to also ask if she still thinks that. But now is not the time. And there’s absolutely no reason why you should want her to feel different.

“I might have said that.” She replies and you really shouldn’t find her blushing that endearing. “But in my defense, it was a long time ago, and you were kind of a jerk then.”

You were, and sometimes you still are. On purpose, you remind yourself. But she looks into your eyes and smiles and you can’t help but to smile back.

“Do you mind if we join you?” Danny asks carefully and you want to say yes, so you can spend more time with Laura, but that’s not what you’re doing here. You have to remind yourself constantly that she’s acting, especially when she sits down, pulls you with her and laces her fingers with yours.

“Not at all.” Laura says, just a little bit higher than usual, but apparently the two of them don’t notice, because they sit across from you and Betty looks even a bit less uncomfortable than before.

“So what about that story?” Danny reminds you as soon as everyone is seated.

“I guess Carm had been a lot nicer for a while, but I didn’t really notice.” Laura starts and you know you should just take over. After all, you promised. But it’s funny to see her squirm. “You know how I am, I can be really blinkered, if I believe in something…”

She squeezes your hand just a little bit too hard and looks at you for help, clearly reminding you of what you told her earlier and you decide to have mercy. Time to have some fun.

“LaFontaine had this party at our apartment last year for their birthday.” You start and Laura loosens her grip and relaxes a bit next to you. You’re pretty sure the ginger giant and Laura haven’t talked in years, so it’s better to start with some background. ”The university offered them a job in research after graduation, so they invited all those science geeks from the lab. A lot biologists, but I guess they were from all kinds of departments. So it was like the most tedious party I ever had the misfortune to attend.

“When I accidentally stumbled upon a way too serious discussion on how human DNA could evolve to create a zombie apocalypse, I left. I grabbed a blanket and beer and went to the rooftop. I stayed there all by myself, sipping my beer and looking at the stars with no one bothering me, until the little cupcake had the same idea.”

So far you told your story to Danny and Betty, so you looked at them for the most time, but now you turn to Laura and you find her watching you closely, listening to every word you say. Maybe she didn’t really believe you until now when you said you would take care of that part of the story.

“When she noticed me, she apologized and told me she could go somewhere else if I wanted to be alone in that completely adorable rambly way she gets when she’s nervous. Because apparently she still thought I wouldn’t even want to spend five minutes in her company.”

Of course you had a rough plan for this, but while you talk the details just come to your mind naturally. And Laura staring at you in wonder only enhances your creativity even more.

“But of course she was wrong, so I asked her to stay and offered her the blanket I was sitting on. It was cold, so we ended sharing it. Laura asked me what I was doing, so I told her I was looking at the stars and I started pointing out constellations in the sky.

“Before we knew it it was early in the morning and we had just spent hours talking about everything that came to our minds. We decided to watch the sunrise before finally going to sleep and I don’t know, there was something happening.”

This is just acting, you remind yourself. You’re just strengthening your story.

“When I looked at her and the first sunrays met her face, I couldn’t _not_ kiss her. So I did.”

Just acting, you think and lean in. Since Laura practically hangs on your lips since you started talking you two are already close and although you go slow it only takes seconds to close the distance.

And wow, her lips are soft. You close your eyes because all you can do is enjoy it while it lasts. She’s stunned for a moment, but then she kisses you back and you feel the hand, that is not currently holding your own, cupping your cheek and sliding gently along your jaw line.

You wanted to do that for years now and it’s even better than you imagined. But then you remember why you don’t allow yourself to think about these things in the first place and reality comes crashing back into your world.

You linger a little longer before you slightly pull back and you feel her chasing your lips for a brief moment before you remember you were in the middle of a story and you put a little more distance between the two of you. You watch her open her eyes and slowly blink a few times. Maybe she can’t believe what just happened, it’s certainly what you’re feeling. But it’s not real, it’s just acting.

“I didn’t even think further when we said goodnight. And I totally forgot that Laura was supposed to sleep on the couch. So when I got up in the afternoon I found her and LaF in the kitchen. They made breakfast for all of us, so I joined them and when I took my plate to the sink I found a note underneath that asked me to dinner. Obviously I said yes and here we are.”

Your eyes are still locked with hers. There’s a hint of a smile on her lips and somehow you can’t look away. God, she’s not making this easy for you, you’re absolutely screwed.

A loud laugh finally rips you out of the dense fog that is your brain and you turn to the two people sitting across the table.

“I always thought Elvira had a thing for you, “ Danny says to Laura. “I’m just surprised she chose to act on it.”

 

~

 

“Do you want to get out of here?”

The words are whispered, only for you to hear, and you have never been more grateful. The conversation with your ex and her new girlfriend gets more unbearable every minute. It was okay at first, but apparently the story Carmilla told broke the caution they held before.

Now they tell you about their life as if you’re old friends who haven’t seen each other in years. It’s almost as you pictured it before. Everything seems to be perfect. They’re engaged, everyone approves, Danny has a good job, Betty just finished being a resident at some hospital, they just signed the contract to buy an apartment together.

You know, you should be happy for them, but you hate it. You hate it that their lives are flawless and yours is not. You definitely don’t want to listen to it any more. She’s your ex, for God’s sake. No one should spend that much time with their ex.

“Desperately,” you say under your breath and you’re still amazed about Carmilla today. Obviously she’s observant now, too, in addition to being nice and easy to talk to and something like a lifesaver with her earlier performance.

“If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to steal my cupcake for a few minutes.” Carmilla says louder in the next available silent moment and effectively interrupts Danny who was about to launch into another story. Carmilla gets up and you feel something tug on your hand. Right, you’re still holding her hand. You look at her questioningly, but get on your feet, too.

“I promised to show you my hideout, remember?” She adds, and of course you don’t remember, you never knew she even had one, but you play along and nod.

“See you later.” You say while Carmilla already guides you towards the exit. “Nice seeing you again.”

Carmilla drops your hand shortly before you reach the door and you only have a second to wonder if this looks suspicious when she pushes against the door and holds it open for you. Carmilla doesn’t exit the gym, instead she walks down the empty hallway towards the school building and experimentally presses down the door handle. It’s unlocked and again she holds the door until you walked through.

“Where are we going?” You ask curiously.

“You’ll see.”

“I don’t think we’re supposed to be here.” You say a few minutes later when you follow Carmilla up the stairs. You left all of the noise and the lights behind now and all you hear is your footsteps in the dark. It’s a bit creepy.

“Just trust me.” She says in a soft voice and it makes you feel safe.

“That would be a lot easier if you just told me where we’re going.” You reply, but you can’t help but smile. This is the sort of banter you’re used to with Carmilla. It’s almost impossible to get a straight answer to any question , but usually she’s harsh and offending, and not at all like this.

You’re reaching the second floor and she immediately heads for one specific window and slides it open. She climbs up on a radiator and flings one of her legs out. “Come on,” she says and extends her hand but you just stare.

“What if someone catches us?”

“There’s no one here,“ she assures you and grins. “Live a little.”

“I blame it all on you,” you warn her and with another skeptical look to where she still straddles the window frame, you take her hand and let her help you up.  

You both climb out and land on the roof. Carmilla almost shuts the window from the outside and Starts walking away, but you feel a bit uneasy.

“What if someone closes it all the way?”

“Someone had to be here to do that.” Carmilla reminds you, but you’re not convinced. You don’t want to call your dad in the middle of the night and explain why you’re locked out on the roof of your old school.

She watches you for a moment and she seems to understand because she reluctantly adds, “There’s a fire escape down to the backyard and a fence that’s easy to climb over.”

“You really thought this through, didn’t you?” You state and follow her.

“It’s not the first time I’m up here. Where do you think I was when I skipped class?”

“I don’t know. Home?” You guess. You never thought about it. “And I thought you were kidding about the secret hideout.”

“ _Home_ was never really one of my favorite places.” She says and you’re not sure if you imagine the bitterness in her voice.

You walk around a corner of the building above you and your breath hitches in your throat. The view is breathtaking. Until now, all you could see was the higher storeys of the school, but here you can look above the whole town. Now, in the darkness, you see mostly lights, lines of lampposts that mark the streets and a few illuminated windows in between, but in daylight there must be a lot more to see.

“I always liked it here.” Carmilla says quietly. ”The view is nice and if you stay close to the wall you’re completely out of sight. And in the summer I could sit in the shadow of the building, so it was bearable most of the time, even if it was far too warm.”

She sits down on the stones that cover the roof and twiddles with some of them and you join her.

“Sounds perfect for a place to hide.” You say. “Have you ever brought someone here?”

She shakes her head. “Never.”

“Why now?” You shouldn’t ask, but you’re curious and you still don’t exactly understand why everything is so different right now.

She looks at the sky for a moment before she turns to you and raises an eyebrow. “I never had a fake girlfriend before.”

You laugh. That doesn’t explain anything, but it reminds you of something else. “You really went all out earlier.”

“I figured, you’d be into that kind of shit.” She grins and studies you for a second. “Too much?”

“Just a tad,” you answer and chuckle while you hold your hand up and put your fingers almost together to underline your words. “I mean, a kiss at sunrise, really?”

“Ah, how you wound me.” She says dramatically and puts her hands on her chest and you laugh louder.

That’s also new. Witty remarks without you, or occasionally LaF, being the victim.

“But seriously, you were awesome. Even I almost believed those things happened.” This might be an understatement. You were so confused. The way she kept talking, the way she said your name with something that sounded almost like reverence, the way she looked at you most of the time and finally the way she kissed you. It took a lot of telling yourself that it was not real until you convinced yourself again.

“But if people keep telling me, they always knew you were into me, I might start to believe it,” you add and it’s meant as a joke, but it might also be a test. Because LaF is definitely not right about this and much less is Danny, but maybe you start to regret that matter.

You always were attracted to Carmilla. You admit that. At first you thought she was way out of your league, but after years of being forced to run into her over and over again and countless angry exchanges you decided the two of you just don’t get along.

And now, with this pleasant Carmilla, everything you thought you knew about her is disarranged.

You wait for her to reply anything, but she just stares into the darkness. You sit next to each other in silence and you wonder what you expected. She’s not going to say _Believe it, cutie,_ because it’s most definitely not true. She could have been less of an asshole any time if it was.

“You should go back,” She says all of a sudden. “Talk to people, do whatever you wanted to do here.”

“What about you?”

“I’ll follow soon, I just want to stay a little longer.”

You don’t want to go. It’s nice out here on the roof. And you don’t want to leave her.

“We could both stay for a while and go back together,” you suggest. “At least then I don’t have to explain where I left you.”

You watch her expectantly and after a moment she nods.

 

About half an hour later you’re both back in the gym. You didn’t talk much for the rest of the time, but you enjoyed it nonetheless.

You find some people you liked and some of your old teachers and Carmilla follows you around. She doesn’t participate much in conversations, but from time to time she makes a snarky comment or rolls her eyes at something that is said.

That’s exactly what happens when you run into Kirsch after a while. He greets you with “Hey little hottie, SJ told me you scored the scary hottie,” and tries to high five you, so you can’t blame her.

It’s almost midnight and a lot of people already left when you spot a familiar face across the room. You’re about to suggest that you head home, but then you remember Carmilla’s statement from before.

“Isn’t that Mr Whistler?” You ask her and nod in his direction.

“Yeah, I guess,” she says and her expression gets darker. “Fucking prick.”

“Do you want to shock him?” you ask excitedly.

“And how would I do that?”

You offer her your hand and wiggle your fingers, but she just stares at you, as if she’s not sure if she should trust you.

“Just a little revenge for all those comments that seem to got to you so much,” you say with emphasis and with a last skeptical look she takes your hand and follows you.

“Hi, Mr Whistler,” you say with a faux smile as soon as you’re near him and he turns to you.

“Laura Hollis, how are you, dear?”

“I’m fine, thanks. “ You reply and you have to force yourself to keep going. You really can’t stand him and the way he always kept talking to his students. “You know, Carmilla and I were just talking about your class before we came here.”

It’s the first time he seems to recognize Carmilla who stands behind you and you pull her a little bit closer.

“Oh really? I’m glad I could make an impression. It’s so hard to reach kids sometimes.”

“You definitely did.” Carmilla mumbles and he purses his lips.

“You drove together? That seems like an unusual friendship. I can’t count how often I put her in detention.“ He just keeps talking towards you, so at least Carmilla seems to have made an impression, too. “You on the other hand were always such a nice girl. Your father did such a good job all by himself.”

You wonder how someone can be that rude while obviously thinking he is complimentary. Time to have some fun.

“It’s funny how things turn out,” you say and lift your joined hands to your mouth and kiss the back of Carmilla’s hand. The teacher freezes and you have to suppress a grin. “And of course we drove together. It’s just convenient, Carm spends so much time at my place, she’s practically living with me.”

“Oh, that’s… I don’t even know what to say… I would have never thought…” he stutters, but you ignore him and turn to Carmilla.

“That’s actually something we should discuss some time soon.” You say and she bites her lip and watches you. “If we were living together, we could spend every night together and no one had to worry about going home for fresh clothes.”

“I like the idea already,” she replies immediately and you hope she suspects what’s coming.

“Good.”

You have already done this before, but she initiated the first kiss and you’re nervous. You let go of her hand and stand on your tiptoes and press your lips gently against hers. In the blink of an eye, she reacts, her lips move against yours and encouraged by that, you place your hands on her hips and pull her closer.

You don’t have time to overthink what you just did, because suddenly you feel her everywhere against your body. You go weak at the knees for a moment and you clutch on her tighter. One of her hands is caressing the hair at the nape of your neck and then Carmilla tilts her head and sucks on your bottom lip for a moment before she kisses you harder.

A low hum escapes your lips and then she slowly pulls away. She keeps her eyes closed for a moment, but when she opens them again, she starts looking around the gym. She narrows her eyes at something and you follow her line of sight to see Mr Whistler standing at a fair distance. He notices you looking and shakes his head in disapproval.

“Did you just talk about our imaginary sex life in front of the most homophobic teacher at this school?”

“Sorry, I got a bit carried away.” You turn back to Carmilla and blush. You didn’t really think this through.

“Are you kidding? That was better than anything I ever wanted to do to him.” She says and grins.

“Really?” you ask, and breath a sigh of relief. “Because I thought I might have crossed a line.”

“Did you see his face? Absolutely worth it.” She assures you and you grin too.

“Do you want to go? I think most people are gone anyway.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Random fact: the teacher is inspired by one of my religion teachers, even the name, although it's not just translated. He didn't ever mention gay people, because no one was out then, but I imagine this would have been his reaction... But the "you will burn in hell for for all eternity" is accurate...


	3. Chapter 3

When you join your dad at breakfast the next morning you’re not surprised to see that Carmilla is presumably still asleep. You chat with him for some time about all kinds of things while you eat and after a while he brings up the reunion and asks about your evening. You answer vaguely about everything you’re comfortable and soon you switch topics and he starts telling you about his work and you’re reminded that he has a lot of contracts with the city.

“I should probably tell you something.” You interrupt him and wait, but he only looks at you expectantly.

”Carm and I kind of messed with one of our teachers yesterday.” You start cautiously. “I know you might run into some of them because of your job.”

“And why should I know that?”

“Because we might have told the most homophobic teacher at this school that we’re together,” you state and he raises his brow but still only waits for you to continue. “Mr Whistler. Carmilla told me how he used to harass her, so when I saw him I kind of …” You look down at the table and blush. ”- implied that we’re almost living together and kissed her in front of him to make him uncomfortable.”

“And what would you suggest I do if I theoretically ran into that guy?” He asks completely serious.

“Whatever you want, I guess.” You say. ”He just mentioned you and I don’t want you to think I hide something from you.”

“In this case I think I’d gladly tell him how happy I am for my _very gay_ daughter, to find a woman who looks at her like I used to look at your mother.” Your dad says and laughs and you relax. He was always supportive, but you weren’t sure he’d approve of your methods. Being who you are and rubbing it in someone’s face might not be the same in his understanding.

“He’d hate that.” You say and chuckle before going back to eat your breakfast.

“You know, at first I thought you wanted to tell me you and Carmilla are together.” He says casually and sips his coffee and catches you completely off guard.

“What, why?”

“It’s obvious you two like each other a lot.”

You know this kind of statement from LaFontaine, but this is your dad. He knows Carmilla since the day before and you’re bewildered. But you might have acted a lot different around each other in that time.

“It wasn’t until yesterday,” you reply quietly.

“So you like her.” It’s not a question, but you think about the whole evening and you think it’s true, at least in matters of this new Carmilla.

“I don’t know,” you say. “She used to make me angry, like _really angry._ We’ve known each other for so long, and I see her all the time because of LaFontaine, but she never made an effort to even get along until now. And suddenly we’re here and she’s this completely different person. And I don’t know what to think.”

“Have you asked her?”

“I thought if I mention it, it might go away.” You wanted to ask about this sudden change the whole time after you left the school. On your way back in the car, when you walked towards the house and when you told her goodnight, but you just couldn’t.

“It might be worth finding out, because what I saw was a woman head over heels for you.”

You still don’t get it. Why you? Why now? It doesn’t make sense at all and you still refuse to believe that being friendly is the same as being interested in you. On the other hand, there has to be a reason why people keep telling you the same thing over and over again. And this is your dad, he wouldn’t say something like this if he didn’t believe it.

 

~

 

“I wanted to say thank you,” Laura says when you stop your car in front of her building. “You really helped me a lot yesterday.”

“That was the deal, cutie.”

“Yeah, right, “ she sighs, and you think you’d be frustrated with you, too. “But you did a lot more than you had to and I really had a good time, so despite the deal, thank you.”

You just nod. You really enjoyed the weekend, but you’re back now. The time you allowed yourself to be less repellant is over. You spend this weekend in a bubble, but this is the real world, and you guess you have to avoid her for a while to come to terms with this illusion your mind created.

“Your mother’s event is in two weeks, Friday right?” she asks and you nod again. “I don’t think we have to practice anymore, so just tell me what time I should be ready, so I can return the favor.”

It reminds you, that you have to find an excuse why she doesn’t have to accompany you.

“I’ll text you,” you say and she gets out of the car and grabs her bag from the back seat.

“Bye,” she says with a smile and waves her hand a little.

You smile back, it just happens automatically, but you think it must look a little sad. At least that’s how you feel.

“See you, cupcake,” you reply and start the engine again.

 

 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

You got away with telling LaFontaine you don’t want to talk about the weekend and there’s nothing to tell, for a few days, but you knew your luck would run out. They stand at the door of your room and it doesn’t seem like they’ll leave that easy.

“Care to elaborate?”

“Laura told me how well you got along and now you barely say hi?” They’re really pissed and maybe a little disappointed. “I mean, I’m kind of surprised that you even took my advice and decided to be less of an asshole for once, but I really don’t understand what your problem is.”

When you came home from work the two of them were watching a movie, so you vanished into your room and stayed there until now. You guess Laura left, otherwise LaF wouldn’t stand there yelling at you. But it’s not their place to tell you what to do. You feel bad enough about the whole thing.

“I didn’t want to fight the whole time, so I played nice.” You say angrily. “I don’t know what _your_ problem is.”

“ _My problem_ is that you made her like you and now you’re ignoring her.”

Shit.

“You wanted me to go,” you say coldly, and it’s easy to blame them. You should have never agreed to the whole pretend-to-be-dating thing in the first place, but it’s satisfying, at least for a moment to drag them down with you.

“I wanted you to get your act together and admit that you like L, not break her heart.”

“Is she…?” You hate how your voice cracks and you don’t know what you even want to ask. If she’s okay, maybe. If you actually hurt her.

“She didn’t say anything.” They answer and that’s certainly something. “But that is what’s going to happen if you keep doing what you’re doing.”

You gulp. That’s not how this was supposed to happen. You resigned to the fact that you would feel awful for a while, but that’s your choice, you’d have never thought Laura would actually be affected by the whole thing. Altogether it was just a few hours.

That’s exactly the reason why you kept her at distance. So you wouldn’t have to hurt her, and so you wouldn’t have to be hurt more than necessary. The same way you’d have dealt with any woman you could possibly develop feelings for. What kind of relationship could you ever have without honesty.

“Just talk to her,” they plead.

“I can’t,” you say and you really wish you could. It’s the closest you come to admit that their assumptions about you are mostly right.

“What’s stopping you?” they ask and you can just shrug. They leave your room after shaking their head one last time and yeah, you’re disappointed in yourself, too.

 

 

A week later you’re still stuck with the same thoughts. LaFontaine refuses to speak with you besides what’s absolutely necessary. They were never that pissed at you and you spend most of your free time alone in your room.

You still haven’t told Laura that you don’t need company for your mother’s event. It feels a lot like a final straw, and as long as you don’t cancel this evening you could still change your mind. It’s a foolish hope, one you should bury deep as fast as you can. The thought of your mother alone makes your courage crumble, disobedience is not an option.

But you can’t stop thinking about the feeling of Laura’s hand in yours, her lips against yours and her body against yours.

Most of all you think about just being around her. It had been so easy. You were comfortable enough to show her your special place, your hideout when everything got too much, the one you never showed anyone before. And her first thought upon seeing the teacher, you hated the most, who has, as far as you know, never done anything to her personally, was to get you revenge. She’s just far too good for you.

You’ve never felt quite like yourself than around her with your guard down, or rather a version of yourself you could come to like. Even meeting her father, which had been a lot more like meeting your girlfriend’s family than just getting introduced to your host for the weekend, was like a glimpse at someone else’s life. One without your own parent controlling your life without even being around.

You hate your mother for interfering in your life that way even after years of living alone. But what would be the other option? Cutting all your ties? Being completely on your own?

You thought about it more than once over the years, but you still don’t know if you can do it.

 

~

 

It’s not like you didn’t notice the change on your way back from your father’s house. The further you got away from your hometown the more Carmilla seemed to get back to her usual distant self, but that doesn’t change how much it hurts to be ignored again.

You still don’t have the slightest idea what was so fundamentally different about this weekend, but it was clear that it wouldn’t be permanent as soon as you were back on the highway. You could sneak a peek at this other Carmilla again when she dropped you off. For a few seconds there was that honest smile when you thanked her and said goodbye, although it seemed somehow tainted.

And now it’s gone. She didn’t even look you in the eye when she popped into LaF’s room to say hi a few days ago, and disappeared directly after.

You know you shouldn’t be hurt, she treats you like she always did, but you definitely hoped for a change. You liked this Carmilla, the one with the soft voice and the honest laugh. The one that shared her unpleasant memories and told the most sappy romantic story just to help you out.

You didn’t even complain to LaF. With the convenient exclusion of how you kissed two times you told them what happened, but they don’t need to know that.

Now that you think about it, it’s odd that Carmilla didn’t tell them anything herself. You know they talk, even though their preferred form of communication is sarcasm and insults, but you’re sure there’s more. LaF confides in her and that must be at least somehow reciprocated.

Maybe there was nothing worth mentioning, you think and sigh. Maybe not fighting and arguing with her is a bigger deal to you than it is to her. Sluggishly you get up from the couch, where you lay since you came home and start pulling things out of the fridge for dinner. You can’t stay there forever and you have to eat.

Usually you would hang out with LaFontaine now, but you avoided their apartment in the last days. It reminds you constantly of how Carmilla doesn’t speak with you again. Not that it’s better at your own place. Plus, here you have the time to think about it without someone to take your mind off it. You still can’t believe she manages to occupy your mind like that just because of less than two full days.

You wonder how you’re supposed to do that party with her mother now. You know you had the same concerns before the reunion, but either you will barely talk this time and you can just leave it, or she will be pleasant again and you’re going to get whiplash because of her constant change of behavior.

Regardless, you’re pretty sure spending more time with Carmilla is about the worst thing you can do for your own well-being. You think about just telling it off, but it was part of your deal and you owe her. She didn’t seem too eager to go anyway when you brought it up and it’s already Wednesday and she didn’t contact you so far, so maybe you get lucky.

You sit down to eat and try to convince yourself the rest of the evening that she probably forgot or doesn’t want to take you with her at all. The thought is both hurtful and calming.

You go to bed a while later, but sleeping has been difficult for a few days and tonight is no different. Instead, you turn over from one side to the other and stare into the darkness.

You wake up with a start a while later and you’re surprised that you fell asleep in the first place. The faint glow of your phone catches your eye and it must have been the sound of an incoming text that disturbed your sleep. It’s from Carmilla and it leaves you even more confused.

                _I pick you up Friday around 5. Dress up, we’re solely going to the party._

 

 

Somehow you get through the next day. Carmilla never explained anything further, so you have no idea what to expect or why it was suddenly so urgent to text you in the middle of the night. You let her know that you’re okay with the time, but you never got a reply.

If you fool yourself, you could believe this means she wants to see you, but you know she probably just wants to collect your debt. So however this evening goes, the situation isn’t different than last time and you’ll just have to deal with you and her being somehow strangers again afterwards.

You dress up in pants and a blazer Friday afternoon. You don’t know how fancy this thing is going to be but you want to be comfortable.

Five o’clock comes and goes and you’re almost sure she stood you up when she texts you she’s there, about 20 minutes late. You grab your purse and make your way down to find Carmilla sitting in her car, directly in front of the entrance. She stares at the steering wheel, gripping it tightly and only notices you when you open the door and sit next to her.

“Hey, “ you greet her and you instantly know that something about her is off.

“Hey.”

“You’re late,” you say. You planned to accuse her of it, but you can’t make it sound angry.

“I…” she starts. “I’m sorry.”

You’re not sure that’s what she wanted to say, but she doesn’t give you another explanation and she’s not the one to apologize anyway, so you don’t ask further. Without another word she starts the car and you’re on your way.

You take in her appearance and you notice that she wears her leather pants again and another lacy top and you wonder if this is what she thinks is business attire. Her whole body looks rigid and you’re scared she’s going to rip off the steering wheel.

“Are you okay?” You ask cautiously.

“Uh-huh,” she hums and nods with clenched teeth.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” she says and this time she relaxes slightly. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You look tense,” you say. You’re a bit worried she might explode at one wrong word.

She takes a deep breath and glances at you. “It’s nothing. Don’t worry.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” You ask tentatively before you can stop yourself. It’s a stupid idea to encourage personal conversations. Whiplash, you remind yourself, that’s what it’ll get you.

“My mother just makes me nervous, that’s all,” she states and rubs her neck.

“Why does your mother make you nervous?”

“You’ll see,” she says and that’s not even close to a satisfying answer.

Clearly she doesn’t want to tell you, but you’re on your way to meet that woman, so you can’t just leave it. “You could warn me, you know.”

She seems to consider it. She looks at you a few times between scanning the street in front of her. After what feels like minutes she finally says, “She’s very demanding.”

“Worried you aren’t living up to expectations, huh?” You comment and maybe it’s not really something that should concern you.

“Something like that.”

 

~

 

With every mile you get closer to your destination you get more anxious.

It’s still a terrible idea, you don’t know what you’ve been thinking. You can still turn around, go home and call your mother and tell her you can’t make it. You’d have to deal with her wrath the next time you see her, but you can do it.

You glance at Laura in the seat next to you and she’s like a reminder of why you’re doing this. Every time you look at her you relax a little, you have no idea how she does it.

You should tell her, what most likely will happen when you face your mother. How she’s going to react to you bringing a date. You know you should, she deserves to know, but you can’t bring yourself to say it. As long as she doesn’t know you can still go back. Laura would pester you with questions, but you could do it.

For a while you just keep driving. After that short conversation you had when you picked her up you don’t talk much. Every once in a while she makes a comment about something she sees outside. Weird looking cars, stupid stickers, advertising that doesn’t make sense at all. You don’t participate much, but she doesn’t stop. It’s like she senses that you need to hear her voice over and over again to stay focused, or maybe she just can’t stand the silence.

You pass the town sign of Silas and slowly but surely you run out of opportunities to change your mind.

“Do you know that playground?” Laura asks, and you wonder if you show any signs of serious stress, because once more she picks the perfect moment to distract you and calm you down. “When I was little someone cut tunnels in the thorn hedge at the back end. I found them when I was like 5 and my dad nearly lost his mind when I disappeared without any trace. I found a hole in it, someone had dragged wooden planks in there, maybe to hide from something. I never told him where I went because I thought someone would destroy the whole thing if I did.”

The playground is far behind you when she finishes, but the urge to turn around and drive back home is gone again. You want to know these stories, you realize. Every little thing she wants to share with you.

“Seems like I’m not the only one who needs a hideout,” you say softly and when you look at her for a second she smiles.

You cross the town and finally you pull into the parking lot of your mother’s company. They have a hall in their premises where events like this take place.

You close your eyes for a moment and prepare yourself for what’s coming the best you can. You feel soft, warm pressure on your knee and when you look up you see that Laura put her hand there. She waits for you to look into her eyes.

“Ready?” She asks and when you don’t answer she adds, “I’m here.”

 _My mother is a raging homophobe_ , you want to say, because she deserves to know what she walks into, but the words don’t come out. You nod instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somehow this got less fluffy than I intended... But don't worry, they're going to be cute and mostly honest with each other and so in love soon


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, life got a bit stressful, I try to be faster with the last part. As you can see, chapter count got up by one and I already started... also, I had to draw my new tumblr icon, just because^^  
> TW, I guess, for homophobia, Carmilla's mum is a bitch and she doesn't change, just a heads up.

The hall is already crowded when you arrive. You’re late on purpose. More people means also more reasons for your mother to save face, and you hope that makes it easier to stand up against her.

A waiter walks by with a tray of glasses and you take two flutes of champagne. You hand one to Laura and take a big gulp. You look around and so far you don’t see any familiar faces.

“Should we find your mother?” Laura asks. “Say hi or something? I don’t really know how these things work.”

“Yeah, probably.” You could avoid it for a while, but you can also get it over with. She can’t take you by surprise if you find her first.

“This party doesn’t really look like a lot of fun,” Laura observes on your way around.

“It’s not, “ you agree, you’ve been to enough of theses events to know that having fun is the last thing on those people’s minds. “It’s mostly about establishing contacts, finishing deals and showing off. That’s why I’m supposed to be here. Mother likes to present herself equally as business genius and also family person with perfect children.”

That last part comes out a little bitter and you grimace. You’ve played the perfect daughter long enough and she never had a nice word for you. You know you can never live up to her standards and you’re not going to try any longer. Time to define your own life.

You wander around for a while until you finally spot a familiar figure. She doesn’t look in your direction and talks to some gray-haired guy in a suit who you don’t recognize. You walk up to her, careful to come to a halt between your mother and Laura. You brought her here to help with your courage, but you’re not going to feed her to the lions.

“Hello, mother,” you greet her once you’re next to her and she interrupts her conversation and turns to you.

“Carmilla, darling,” she says and her faux friendly tone and the way she scans your body tells you without any doubt that she’s not happy with you or your attire.”We were just talking about you.”

“John Hanson,” the gray haired man introduces himself and waits for you to shake your hand. You do it reluctantly. “Lilita told me you’re not that fond of the whole business talk and neither is my son. I had to practically drag him here. Your mother thought you could show him around.”

And there it is, blind date number one. The guy smiles at you, as if he just gave you a huge present, but it’s not his fault, you have to remind yourself, it’s your mother’s. It’s now or never.

You lay your arm around Laura’s waist and pull her closer to you and to the center of attention. “Actually, mother, I wanted to introduce you to Laura, my girlfriend and date for this evening.”

“Nice to meet you, Mrs Morgan,” Laura says and smiles. For a moment you doubt your mother is going to shake her hand the way she looks down at the offered hand with disgust, but she seems to remember that there are people around.

She doesn’t say anything but you can practically see the anger rising in her body. You’re safe for now and you can’t help but take the opportunity to tease. “I thought I could give Laura a tour, but your son can come too, if he doesn’t mind tagging along.”

“I had no idea,“ Hansons says, but he’s still smiling. ”You’re such a pretty couple.”

“Neither had I,” your mother adds with clenched teeth.

You can’t help but grin at the irony. Your mother tries so hard to preserve her image, and now you find and confront her with one her business partners who seems to have no problem with same sex couples.

“I have to give my speech soon, if you excuse me,” your mother says politely and drags you a few feet away on your arm. You lose your hold on Laura, but she follows you and takes your hand again once you stand.

“I don’t know what you think you’re doing here, but you’re going to stop it, now,” your mother says menacingly, but so quiet only you can hear her. “Don’t think we’re done talking about this.” She shakes her head and disappears into the crowd.

This is going to be a lot different when you’re not in a crowded room. Once your mother doesn’t have to be afraid to embarrass herself you will have to face her talking back and she always had a way of making you feel bad. But for now the first face-off went well.

“What did she want?” Laura asks.

“She wants to talk to me later,” you answer hesitantly and you feel guilty. You’re not lying, but you should still warn her what’s going to happen. Or what will happen if you stand your ground. You should tell her, especially because you want her to stay by your side. You don’t think you can do it on your own.

“Hey, doesn’t your mother know that your gay?” She asks and furrows her brow. Laura’s not stupid, of course she’s going to wonder. And it’s like a perfect opportunity to explain.

“She knows,” you confirm bitterly, but you just can’t bring yourself to continue. For a moment you’re sure she’s going to pry further, that’s what she usually does. Maybe it would be easier if she asked directly.

But then the lights are dimmed and everyone turns silent. Your mother appears in the spotlight across the room and her voice is amplified through speakers.

 

~ 

 

You try to listen to Lilita Morgan’s speech for a while, but soon you lose track. It’s a lot of polite set phrases at first, but then she mentions a bunch of companies and budget numbers and that really doesn’t do anything to keep your interest.

It’s too dark around you to actually see anything that’s more than a few feet away, so you just keep watching the woman giving her speech. She shows not even a little uncertainty. Her posture is flawless and her voice steady. You wish you could talk that way in front of people.

“Kitty cat,” you hear a voice behind you and you turn towards it simultaneously with Carmilla.

“Will,” she states indifferently. You’re pretty sure that has to be her brother. You can barely spot that he shares her dark features, but even in the dim light you feel uncomfortable with the way he leers at you.

“Don’t you want to introduce your acquaintance?” He asks with a wink and it’s impressive how much you already hate him in less than a minute.

“My date, actually,” Carmilla says immediately and you don’t think you imagine her sliding slightly in front of you before she pulls you to her side again. “Laura, this is Will, my brother. Will, this is Laura, my girlfriend.”

He lifts his brow and stares at you with his mouth hanging open at the introduction.

“Seriously?” he asks and you wonder what’s so shocking about that statement. Sure, Carmilla is not really the relationship type, so maybe she just doesn’t usually bring anyone home to her family. “Did you tell mother?” He adds but the spiteful smirk on his face doesn’t fit that theory.

“I did,” Carmilla answers and you notice that she’s almost as tense again, as earlier in the car.

“I’m almost impressed. I never thought you’d have the guts,” Will says and then you’re dazzled when the lights turn back on. The people around you start chatting again and the opening speech must be over.

“Bye bye, kitty,” he smirks again and waves his hand mockingly. He walks away and calls a “good luck” over his shoulder and then he’s gone.

“What’s going on?” You ask, and you’re pretty sure you’re missing something here. “What was he talking about?”

“My mother is coming back,” she says and looks past you. You really want answers, but Carmilla looks paler than you’ve ever seen her and her lips quiver. You wonder how her mother can be the cause of that.

“Don’t leave,” she whispers. Her whole demeanor definitely worries you.

“I’m not going anywhere,” you assure her and squeeze her hand. Carmilla’s eyes are focused on something behind you now and you turn around to see Mrs Morgan stare down at you.

“You, stay. I need to talk to my daughter,” she commands and then tells Carmilla “Follow me.”

She starts to walk and Carmilla is about to fall in line, but she doesn’t let go of your hand.

“I only leave Carmilla’s side if she tells me that’s what she wants,” you say loud enough for Mrs Morgan to hear and you sound a lot braver than you feel. You slowly start to understand why Carmilla is so terrified, she certainly is intimidating.

Carmilla’s mother turns around and glares at you. You withstand her gaze and she turns her attention to Carmilla who doesn’t react at all. After a moment she starts walking again and leads you wordlessly away from the party.

You almost have to run to keep up with her pace and while you tail after her you wonder what Carmilla could have done to provoke this kind of reaction. You got the feeling Mrs Morgan didn’t like you, but she didn’t even talk to you, so it couldn’t possibly have something to do with you, right? But then you remember what Will said, and suddenly it all makes sense.

You finally reach some sort of conference room and Mrs Morgan closes the door behind you.

“I ask you again, what do you think you are doing?” She stares down Carmilla and you stay close. This might be not your fight, but she needs to know that she’s not alone.

“I brought a date, that’s what you encourage Will to do every time.” Carmilla says quietly.

“You come here, with _her_ , and you don’t even have the decency to dress for the occasion. I can’t help but think that you’re aiming at embarrassing me.”

“That was never my intention, mother.” You hate to see Carmilla like this. She stares at the ground, fiddling with her hand on the seam of the pocket of her pants and you want her to retort with a cocky comeback or even just be the aloof asshole you’ve seen in the last years.

“No?” Her mother asks skeptically. “Then here’s what you’re going to do: First you send this little moppet away. Then you take one of the jackets in my office, give Hanson’s son a tour and stand next to whichever junior partner I find most appropriate for the photos. Do we agree?”

She’s so sure she’s going to get her way. You believe her for a second, but Carmilla is still holding your hand, or rather crushing it, and then she looks up at you. She’s silent for far too long but suddenly you know that she anticipated this scene all along. She already knows the results of this and somehow you’re helping her.

“No,” she says, still quiet but certain.

“What?”

“I said no,” Carmilla repeats and this time she looks her mother in the eye. “This is who I am, and if you can’t accept that, I won’t play along in your happy-family-illusion.”

“You know what that means,” Mrs Morgan says threatening. “Be alone. Soon enough, you’ll be begging for forgiveness, but then it’s too late. You will realize that you can’t work at that silly university forever. You’ll need a real job sometime and then I won’t be there to help you. What’s left when you don’t have the company to back you up?”

“From what I see, there’s a lot more than you have.” You wanted to hold your tongue, but this woman makes you more angry with every word she says. You don’t think about it, you just need to tell her what you think, because you can’t believe that’s what a parent, who’s supposed to love their child no matter what, would do. “And if you think a job is what she’d care about, you don’t deserve her at all.”

“And you do?” She asks you amused before she turns back to Carmilla. “You think that wretched little thing can love you?”

Carmilla is still silent and you don’t think she’s going to answer that. How could she? It’s not like you’re actually together, you can’t just pipe up and tell her, you love her. Because that’s not true. You certainly feel something, but you don’t want to lie in a situation like this.

“I’m pretty sure there are more people outside of Carmilla’s family that care about her than inside,” you say instead.

“I wouldn’t work for you anyways.” Carmilla says finally, and that seems to be the last straw.

“Get out of here.” Mrs Morgan spits coldly and with a last glance at her mother, Carmilla rushes to the door and leads you out.

 

~

 

You move down the same corridors your mother led you through only minutes ago. Everything feels like a dream. All you want is to get out of this building, away from everything and everyone that is now your past. You can’t believe you finally gone through with it, whenever you came close you caved, but not this time.

The adrenaline is pumping and you slam open the first door you pass and the echo of its hitting the wall resounds in the hallway. You treat the next door the same way and it feels good to take out some of your anger on your mother’s property. You should have yelled and insulted her, that’s what she deserves, but you stood your ground and that makes you feel invincible. You should go back and tell her what you really think about her.

“Carm, slow down.”

You stop in your tracks and when you turn around Laura nearly crashes into you. For the first time you notice that you’re still holding her hand, have been since you arrived and you stare down at your entwined hands. Your gaze follows the length of her arm and up until you reach her eyes.

She’s panting and you realize that you’re breathing hard and irregular, too. You must have dragged her behind you since you left the conference room. “Sorry,” you whisper.

“Are you okay?” She asks and she looks nothing but worried. She observes you closely.

You feel great, and angry, and free. You can do anything.

Like taking a step towards Laura and keeping your eyes locked. She doesn’t back away and you take her face in your hands and push your lips against hers. Invincible, you think and kiss her forcefully. Her hands land on your arms and her lips move against yours and _holy fuck_ , have you missed that.

After an entirely too short period of time she pulls back.

“You know there’s no one here to see us, right?” She asks shyly and you put some distance between you and her. Your confidence falters.

“Yes, sorry.” You’re about to get further away when she comes closer again.

“Just checking,” she says and pulls you back in.

You can’t wrap your mind around what just happened, but then her lips are on yours again and you don’t care. The only thing that matters, is that the person you liked for far too long is kissing you back, you can wonder why at another time. Not now, when she slides her tongue along your lips and you eagerly grant her access, or when your whole body is flush against hers. You enjoy it for a few minutes, but then you hear a door clunking shut at distance and you remember where you are.

“We should go,” you breathe out after reluctantly separating from her.

Laura nods and you continue your way. You don’t go back to the hall, but walk a few more corridors to the main entrance of the office building. There’s no one you need to say goodbye anyway. You’ve accepted to cut all your ties before, Will would always stay by your mother’s side and he’s a douchebag anyway.

It’s almost dark when you get out and the cool breeze is a welcoming change to the stale air inside. You take a deep breath and it takes about halfway back to your car until it hits you. You’re going to leave for good. This is the last time you’ll be here or at the house you’ve grown up in. You slow down and then you just stop walking.

You’re alone now. Free to do whatever the fuck you want, but alone.

 Laura doesn’t notice that you stopped. You hear her say something, but the words don’t reach your brain.You stare blankly at the ground, and you can tell that she’s getting further away from you.

Then there’s pressure on your upper arms and you slowly come back into focus. You hear your name, or rather that shortened version you’ve never really liked until you heard it from her lips.

“Carm?… Carm… are you okay?”

You nod and you feel her pull you forward.

“Let’s sit down for a moment,” she says and she guides you down on the stairs a few feet away.  Once you feel the ground beneath you, the surroundings fully come back to your vision. You close your eyes for a moment and concentrate on breathing.

Brown eyes stare at you when you open them again, clearly worried, and you notice her hands on your shoulders. 

“Hey,” she says and gives you an unsure smile that you return unconsciously.

“Hey.”

“You had me worried there.”

“Sorry.”

“What happened?”

“I just left the two people I’ve known all my life,” you say, but with the words comes the realization that they might have been around, but they weren’t there. The things that bothered you most were never things you could have told your mother, so you’re not more alone than you have been before. The thought is soothing. “And maybe that’s okay.”

Laura still eyes you skeptically as if you could lose it any minute and says carefully “From what I’ve seen you had good reasons.”

“I guess.”

“I could call my dad if you don’t want to drive back. I’m sure he’ll let us stay,” she suggests.

Her dad is nice, you liked him, but you don’t want to be around an almost stranger when you’re kind of agitated. Plus, you don’t want to explain why you’re here.

“I’d rather go home,” you say. Home, which is now definitely your apartment. Where LaFontaine is. Fuck, you have to talk to them sometimes. You’re not too keen to do that today, but that’s something you can think about later.  

“Give me your keys,” Laura demands suddenly.

“Why?”

“Because you’re upset, as you should be, and I’m driving.”

“I’m perfectly capable-“ you start, but she cuts you off.

“And I don’t have a death wish, so I’m driving.”

You want to argue further, but you know she’s stubborn and she won’t give in. You don’t like to give your car to anyone else, but she means well and a part of you is even grateful, so you pull out your keys and hand them to her without another word.

“Thanks,” she says and rolls her eyes.

“You’re welcome,” you answer mockingly and get up to start walking towards your car. She follows you silently.

 

 

“I’m sorry,” you say sometime after you’re back on the highway. The amount of times you’ve apologized today is probably higher than you did in your whole life combined.

“For what?”

“I should have warned you.”

“That’s what you’re thinking about now?” She asks amused and you shrug, although she probably doesn’t see that because its completely dark outside now and she has to look at the street anyway. “Not that a small heads up wouldn’t have been nice, but after what you just did, I let it slip.” She chuckles and there’s a small gap until she adds. “ _Why_ didn’t you say something?”

“I wasn’t sure I could go through with it.”

“That doesn’t explain anything,” she points out.

“I usually don’t go around telling people how my mother is a homophobic bitch.” You’re pretty sure that still doesn’t explain, but it feels good to call her that out loud.

“And then what? You would have played straight for the rest of the night? I think I would have noticed that.”

“Probably.” You shrug again. “So I guess that wasn’t really an option.”

“So taking me there was like forcing yourself to confront your mother?” She asks disbelievingly. “Why didn’t you take LaF for moral support? You don’t even like me.”

Urgh, that stings. It’s your own fault with how you treated her before. Of course years of repulsion aren’t forgotten in a few days. But you kind of hoped it would.

“Do you really think that?” You ask quietly.

“You’ve been kind of sending mixed signals.”

That’s true, you think, but not any more.

“When I look at LaF I don’t see everything I’ve been missing for a very long time.” You glance at her and find her staring at you with wide eyes. The car drifts slowly to the right.

“I’m pretty fond of my car, I’d rather not have you thrash it,” you say and raise an eyebrow, but your heart starts to race. She immediately focuses on the road again and brings the car back to the middle of the lane.

You wonder if her reaction was positive shocked or negative shocked. You did kiss less than an hour ago, and she seemed into it, but that doesn’t mean she’s actually interested in you.

“Can I ask you something?” She pipes up after a few moments.

“I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t stop you if I said no.”

“You could have just said yes, you know. It’s the polite thing to do,” she groans.

“Go on,” you say and grin.

“Right, question…” She shakes her head. “Why now? Did you want to do that before?”

“That’s two questions,” you point out and you wonder if you’re really helping your case here. You probably should stop mocking her, but you always thought she’s cute when she’s riled up.

“Have you ever answered a  question with the actual thing anyone wanted to know?” She asks half annoyed and half laughing. “If you don’t want to tell me, you can just say so.”

It gets any more apparent that you owe her an explanation when she’s nice and considerate like that, so you get over yourself.

“I wanted to get rid of my mother ever since I dated Ell. So yeah, it’s been a while. I tried standing up to her multiple times, but she‘s really good at making me feel like a child and break my will. So I always caved, sometimes I didn’t even start disobeying.” You stare at the dark silhouette that is your reflection in the window. There’s not much to see outside, it’s too dark, but you can’t look at her when you continue. ”Being with you at the reunion showed me what it could be like. I know it wasn’t real, but it kind of felt like it was. And that finally convinced me to stop her from interfering with my life.”

You hear your heart pounding in your ears, but you barely have time to think about how it might not have been smart to say that when you have to stay at least two more hours in a confined space. With a jolt she pulls the car from the middle lane to the right one and then to the hard shoulder. The sound of a horn makes you flinch and your pulse speeds even more up when she hits the breaks.

“I thought you were driving so we don’t get killed,” you say and do your best to calm yourself without letting on anything.

“Sorry,” she mumbles and unbuckles her seatbelt as soon as the car comes to a stop and switches her position so she’s kneeling on her seat. “But while driving _this_ would have been pretty difficult.”

She leans over and cups your cheek with her  left hand and kisses you while  she steadies herself with the right on your seat. You kiss her back and you presume this means she’s into you. The thought alone makes you grin and that makes it impossible to keep the kissing up.

Laura notices after a moment and pulls back only enough to be able to look at you.

“What?” She asks, but her smile definitely matches yours.

“You just stopped on a highway to kiss me,” you say astonished.

“I couldn’t do it while driving,” she repeats her former explanation.

“Pretty urgent, huh?”

“Kind of.”

This time you kiss her. You pull on her waist to get her closer. Ideally, you’d guide her to your lap, but it’s a small car and after a few moments she separates from you again.

“The shift stick pokes my ass,” Laura says and grins and you reluctantly let her get back into the driver seat.

 

~

 

“Should I drive to your place, or mine?” You ask when you leave the highway and you’re almost home. As soon as the words are out you notice the innuendo and you quickly add, “I can walk the rest.”

You don’t want to assume anything. Carmilla wanted to go home, so maybe she wants some time to process everything that happened. And yeah, you’ve been kissing, but one of you has yet to mention what it means.

“Yours,” she says without hesitation. “I think I’m going to drive around for a while anyway.”

“Aren’t you tired?” You ask. For the last hour or so, she kept yawning every few minutes and when you asked her, her only comment was that she wasn’t sleeping that well the night before. “I know I am.”

“Yeah,” she sighs and you wonder if she’s ever going to make sense to you.

“Then go to sleep.”

“Later,” she says and stifles another yawn.

“I take you home.” You made up your mind.

“I’m still going to drive around for a bit, or maybe walk around.”

“You’re weird. And you need to sleep.”

“Probably,” she says. “But I’m not in the mood to talk to LaF, so I wait until I’m sure they’re asleep.”

“That might be in two to four hours,” you say shocked.

“I know.”

“Just ignore them, you’re pretty good at that.” You regret saying it immediately. It’s true, but after today she probably doesn’t need your accusations. “Sorry,” you whisper when she doesn’t reply.

“You’re right,” she says and takes a deep breath. “But they’re already mad at me, and I need to make that right sometimes, not make it worse.”

“Why are they mad at you?” You ask curiously. LaFontaine usually tells you stuff like that, partly because until now you were always up to complain about how annoying Carmilla is.

“Because I ignored you,” she answers and your mouth falls open. You didn’t expect that.

“What?”

You watch her for as long as you dare while driving but she just shrugs. You’re not going to let her stay out the whole night, not today. “You’re coming with me,” you state and you’re sure she’s going to argue with you. “I won’t take no for an answer.”

“Bossy,” she declares, but you can practically hear her smile.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There it is, the one you've been waiting for. Enjoy.

The next morning you wake up with Carmilla wrapped around you and her head on your chest. The events of the last evening come back to your mind and you grin. For someone you had to virtually drag into your bed, she sure is cuddly now.

You gave her a shirt and a spare toothbrush before you went to sleep and she insisted several times she’d be fine on the couch, but eventually she followed you. Your bed is big enough for two people, but honestly, you wanted her there, next to you, to remind you that the day before was real.

It was only after you kissed her goodnight that she relaxed and snuggled up to you and it was by far the cutest thing you’ve seen in your entire life. Also, kissing is apparently something you can do now and even the idea almost makes you squeal.

Carmilla stirs in her sleep and you tighten your grip around her. You wonder for how long you might have had a thing for her already, because there’s no way in hell or Hogwarts you could have fallen that hard in this short amount of time.

It takes a while until she finally wakes up and you try to move as little as possible until she opens her eyes. She blinks a few times and takes in her surroundings and her body turns rigid. You get the impression she wants to run away until her eyes meet yours. She seems to notice that you also have your arms around her and you’re fully conscious and she relaxes again.

“Hey,” she mumbles and a small smile spreads on her face.

“Hey,” you reply.

“So it wasn’t a dream, huh?” She looks almost impressed with herself.

“Nope,” you confirm and wait for her to say anything else, but she just hums and stares at your blanket. You wait a little longer before you ask, “Do you regret it?”

She immediately looks up at you and watches you closely. “Not at all.”

You still wonder what you had to do with everything that happened. Carmilla trusted you enough to take you with her as moral support and even though you’re glad she did you can’t wrap your mind around why. And there’s still the mystery of her sudden change of behavior.

The rumbling of your stomach cuts through your thoughts. When you came home the night before it was already late and since you didn’t exactly stay for the buffet earlier, you skipped dinner altogether in favor of going to sleep.

“How do you feel about pancakes?” You ask.

“Sounds good,” she says, but when you get up, she’s reluctant to let you go at first.

“Stay. I’ll get you when I’m done,” you say and make your way to the kitchen.

You let the events of the last two weeks pass through your mind while you prepare breakfast and try to make sense of everything. You’re setting up the table when you remember the story she told Danny and Betty about how you supposedly got together.

It surprised you then that Carmilla let you have the ultimate initiative even in a fictional setting. You definitely would have guessed she would claim that for herself. Maybe you were wrong about a lot of things you thought you knew about her.

You have an idea and you slip the note under her plate just in time to hear her get out of bed.

You hurry back to the stove and quickly flip your pancakes to stop them from burning. When you look in her direction afterwards you find her leaning against the doorframe watching you.

The first thing you notice is that she didn’t change clothes, which means she’s standing there in nothing but her underwear and your oversized t-shirt. Your eyes linger on her naked legs for a while until you realize how creepy you must appear and when you look up you find her smirking at you.

“Almost done,” you say in a high-pitched voice and quickly direct your attention back to your pan.

She hums in approval and you hear a chair scrape over the floor when she sits down. You put the last pancakes on the plate and carry them to the table to join her.

“Looks delicious,” she says and you sign her to start.

For a few minutes you eat in silence. You share glances once in a while and every time it leads to one of you smiling and the other one falling in line until you just grin dopey at each other and go back to your food.

“I still don’t get it,” you finally break the silence. “Why are you so different?”

“Because I can,” she answers and you raise your eyebrows at her and stare at her until she continues. You want real answers.

“Okay,”she sighs. “Remember when you assumed so eloquently thet Ell _fucked me up_?”

You nod and blush, because that wasn’t your greatest moment.

“Yeah, well, she didn’t. My mother did,” she continues. “I figured out I was gay when I met Ell. Everything was new and confusing, but I fell in love. We kept it a secret for a while, but she was older, she was out and she didn’t want to hide. So I told my mother.”

Her impression darkens significantly and she meticulously starts cutting the remains of the pancake on her plate without looking at you.

“We both thought it wouldn’t be a big deal. Mother never was religious, and she never even mentioned gay people once, no slurs, no casual insults, so I thought I would be fine. And damn was I wrong. Turns out you don’t have to be a religious fanatic to be a homophobe.”

She laughs bitterly and you don’t say anything, you want to know where this leads to and how it has an impact on her behavior.

“She thinks I’m only into women to embarrass her. She told me, I’m just confused and forbid me to tell anyone, but I was a teenager. I had a natural disgust for obedience, so I kept seeing Ell. We just never hung out at our house anymore and we didn’t care about secrecy at school.

“Mother was at work most of the time, so I thought I was fine. And I was, until the wrong teacher saw us make out in the hallway and called her.”

“Mr Whistler,” you guess and she nods.

“Mother was furious. She started to come home on her breaks and followed me around whenever she could, to make sure I wasn’t going to see Ell. She randomly ordered me to her office to let me do my homework next to her, or locked me in my room. I kept missing dates and sometimes I couldn’t even let Ell know, because my mother took my phone. After a while she didn’t want to put up with it anymore and broke up with me.”

You can’t believe you never knew that. You weren’t friends back then by any means, but you knew her, she was in your class, everyone knew about her and Ell. You once asked LaF about their breakup, but they just shrugged and told you about irreconcilable differences and that Ell was the one who ended it.

“I understood, but it was nonetheless painful, and I vowed not to get in that situation again. So I… uhm…-” she looks at you briefly for the first time since she started talking. “- made sure no one I liked could get close to me…”

“Holy crap, LaFontaine was right,” you exclaim before you can stop yourself. She looks confused and you blush. “They told me you were into me, but I never believed it.”

Carmilla busies herself with her food again and hums noncommittally.

“For how long?” You ask softly.

“I’m not going to answer that,” she grumbles and continues to poke her pancakes with the fork.

Having this conversation must be mortifying for her, but you can’t really pity her, because her answer tells you in fact everything you wanted to hear. The thought alone makes you lightheaded. The beautiful, suddenly super sweet and _very_ little clothed woman across from you just admitted liking you for an undefined period of time. And you’re definitely crushing harder every second.

In the blink of an eye you’re out of your chair.

 

~

 

You try not to be too surprised when Laura sits on your lap and puts her hands behind your neck.

“How long?” She repeats and it’s distracting to have her this close. You could count all the little freckles around her nose.

You just shake your head. You can’t exactly say how long it’s been, but what you know is that it’s far too long to ever admit it to anyone.

“You know your logic is incredibly flawed, right?” She asks.

“And why is that?”

“Because you’ve been living on your own for a decade. It’s not like your mother could have followed you around when she’s 200 miles away,” she says and gives you a crooked smile.

“I know,” you sigh. “But inevitably I would have driven anybody away with hesitation and excuses why it’s not possible to meet my family.”

“There’s this thing called _words,_ ” she points out like you’re a small child. “I think those could have helped.”

It sounds so incredibly easy, but that’s just not how it felt.

“I told you, I don’t like to tell people. Not once when we were in school, I brought LaF home, and they’re my best friend. Mother would have hated them. The short hair, not the slightest bit female clothes and last but not least the pronouns. Her imagination of hell, I suppose.” You chuckle, because you thought about it more than once, to just introduce them and watch her have a fit. Eventually the risk of her banning you from seeing your only real friend was far too scary. “I never even told them the blind dates my mother would set up for me at those business things were guys when I complained about them.”

“So LaF had really no idea?” She asks, clearly taken aback.

“Not the slightest.” It’s pretty great to finally be able not to hide anything. You’ve never expected it to be this relieving. You’re still dreading the conversation you need to have with LaFontaine, but that can wait a little longer.

“Just because you don’t like talking about it?” She looks at you incredulously.

“What do you think would have happened?” You sigh. “How would _you_ have reacted?”

“I would have told you that you deserve better,” she says without hesitation. You expected something along the lines of _Stand up against her,_ and to point that out would have led to nothing.

“But you’d have wanted me to do something about it, and so would they.” You wait a moment before you admit quietly, “And then I’d not only disappointed myself, but also my friend.”

She stares at you with wide eyes and you can’t look at her. You don’t tell people stuff like that. It’s embarrassing. You look down, but since she’s sitting in your lap that just results in you looking at her boobs or her legs so you close your eyes.

“So essentially you were a dick to me so your pride wouldn’t get hurt?” She asks and you feel even more ashamed.

“I don’t even know why you put up with me,” you mumble and this is not how you pictured this conversation.

“Hey, I’m kidding.” She tips your chin gently to make you look up, but you don’t open your eyes until you feel her lips on yours for a second. “You weren’t ready, I get it.”

She kisses you briefly again, and you can’t help but smile.

“Still, you had nothing to do with it.”

“You can make it up to me,” she says like it’s the easiest thing in the world and you kiss again before she demands “Lift your plate.”

“Why?” You ask curiously.

“Just do it,” she urges and leans back so you can reach it better.

As soon as you see the neatly folded paper you know what it is and you grin. You can’t believe she remembered such a mundane detail. You pick it up and unfold it and with every word you read your grin gets wider.

You make eye contact and Laura smiles shyly at you, clearly waiting for a response. You could tease her, but you’re pretty sure your face is already giving it away.

“I’d love to go out with you,” you say and her face breaks into the widest beam you’ve seen so far.

Laura opens her mouth to say something once, twice and then a third time before she seems to decide against it and lets her lips meet yours again.

“You know, for someone who claims words are the solution to almost everything you use an awful lot of kissing to distract me from the fact that you’re not talking,” you say smugly and place the paper back on the table and wrap your arms around her waist. “Not that I’m complaining.”

“I probably had a thing for you for a while,” she grins sheepishly. “Though you made it really easy not to acknowledge it.”

Despite everything that already happened you forget to breathe for a second. You got that you’re probably on the same terms, but until now you thought her attraction to you might be spontaneous, possibly gone as fast as it appeared.

“You do?” You ask and you sound a lot more insecure than you’d ever admit to anyone.

She nods.

“For how long?” You can’t help but tease a little.

“I really don’t know. A while.” She shrugs and blushes and this time you have nothing else to say and you bring one of your hands to her cheek and guide her towards you. Your lips melt with hers and you immediately deepen the kiss. Her lips part and you waste no time to let your tongue meet hers.

She shifts in your lap and the way her hips dig into your pelvis makes you painfully aware of the fact that the thin cotton of her pajama pants is the only real barrier between the two of you.

It feels a little bit inappropriate and you want to address it, but one of her hands is still on your neck and tickles the little hairs there and the other just reached the small of your back and clutches you tightly to her. You don’t want to stop any of that, so you just keep kissing her.

You slide your fingertips up and down her hip and by the forth or fifth time you accidentally slip under the hem of her shirt. Her skin is soft and warm, but you don’t want to go too fast, so you retreat your fingers and set them back on the cotton.

Laura kisses you a little bit more forcefully and then her hand is covering yours. Without any pressure she guides you back under her shirt. She doesn’t stop at her hip though, and your combined hands slowly inch up her chest. You feel her flat stomach, then the harder unevenness of her ribs before you reach the swell of her breast. She’s not wearing a bra, and neither do you since you both still wear your sleeping clothes and her nipple hardens when you slide your fingers above it in light patterns.

You’re totally on board with everything that’s happening and you think she must be, too, since she clearly has the lead, but you still want to make sure to address the topic. A heated moment she regrets after is the last thing you want to risk.

You break the kiss and search her face for any kind of doubt. You notice you’re both out of breath.

“Isn’t this more of an after first date activity, at least?” You ask, fully aware of where your hand is, but hers is still on top of yours and you decide to keep it there.

 You haven’t dated anyone since Ell, so that was never an issue, but you would have guessed Laura was more of a slow burn romance kind of girl.

“Do you want to wait?” She asks back and you slowly shake your head.

“Only if you want to.”

She shakes her head, too.

On the other hand, you have totally mixed up any conventional order of dating with the emotional chaos that was the last two weeks and in hindsight you could even see the reunion as a date. You certainly see it as a milestone, because of the impact it had.

You’re about to kiss her again when you notice the way the chair you’re sitting on is digging into your back. You’ve been ignoring it so far, because you didn’t want Laura to get out of your lap.

“In this case, could we move somewhere more comfortable?” You ask. As much as you like your current position, you’d like it more if you had some cushions beneath you. “Somewhere I don’t sit on wood, preferably.”

She pecks your lips quickly and gets up. Her hand never leaves yours even when they slip out of her shirt. She pulls you up and you follow her into her bedroom.

You stand there, awkwardly, next to her bed for a moment because apparently you have forgotten everything you ever knew about these kind of situations, but then she’s smiling at you and you sit down. Without further comment she straddles your lap, wraps her arms around your neck and kisses you again.

With a sigh you relax fully against her and pull her close.You wonder if you’ve ever felt that safe and comfortable with anyone. Probably not, you think, and somehow you’re content. She’s special, she deserves that you feel special about her.

A little bit later you’ve migrated to the middle of the bed and you’re on your back. One of her hands caresses the side of your hip under your shirt but other than that nothing about your former position has changed. You don’t want to mess anything up and you wonder if she feels the same since you’re both kind of hesitant.

You decide that what she made you do earlier is a safe bet and slide your hand slowly back up her chest. When you reach her breast and roll her nipple carefully between your fingers, she responds instantly by arching into your touch. It also seems to break the remaining hesitation.

“Can I?” She breathes against your lips and tugs on the hem of the shirt you’re wearing.

“If yours goes, too,” you answer in a low voice and she distances herself only enough to pull her shirt over her head. You stare at her bare breasts, one of them still cupped in your hand and kiss them both briefly  before you sit up and let Laura help you out of your shirt.

You lay back down and she follows you and when your lips meet this time it’s so much more intense now that you’re skin on skin. Her hand trails down, drawing lazy patterns over your breasts, then your stomach and your hips. Soon she reaches your panties and strokes you over the fabric.

“Take them off,” you say between uneven breaths.

With your consent she wastes no time to do so, and you watch her scooting back and slowly tugging down your panties.  Then, she gets up on her knees and pulls down her own pants and wiggles out of them. You’d have liked to do that yourself, but it’s probably for the best because she doesn’t wear underwear and you can already see a wet stain on them before they disappear somewhere out of sight.

Laura straddles your right leg and lays back down on you, and her thigh presses into your crotch. With both hands on her head you guide her into another long, soft kiss and when your lips meet you slide your hands over her shoulders and to her breasts. You squeeze them gently and she starts rocking her hips slowly into you.

It’s not nearly enough, so you go further down and grab her butt to pull her closer to you and increase her movement.

Her hand slips between you and her thigh and you feel her parting your folds and sliding up and down matching the rhythm she has set with her body. Her fingertips are on your entrance and with every stroke down, she slips a little further into you.

Your hips jerk towards her when she reaches your g-spot for the first time and you gasp audibly at the warm feeling that rushes through you. Laura immediately breaks the kiss and stills her movement to watch you intently. You can tell she wants to check in, see if you’re okay and before she can voice any concerns you smile at her and nod to answer her silent question.

After a few moments she picks up her pace again and you close your eyes in pleasure. You feel her lips on yours for a second and then she trails light kisses along your jaw and down your neck. Her tongue searches for something and when she finds it she sucks hard on your pulse point.

A wave of arousal shoots through your whole body straight to your core and you moan involuntarily. She peppers faint kisses around the spot before she repeats the action and you moan even louder.

You’re getting close and when she sucks on your neck a third time you feel yourself clenching around her fingers. She never stops moving inside you and you pull her back up to you. She curls them just right and you press your lips against hers when you come.

You shut your eyes and focus solely on the sensation. She keeps her movement up for a little bit and lets you come down. You wait for your breathing to even out and you feel her carefully separating from you and get off you.

When you’re able to take in your surroundings again, the first thing you notice is Laura propped up on her arm beside you while licking her fingers. It’s about the hottest thing you’ve ever seen.

You practically launch at her and roll her on her back. She smiles up at you and you kiss her. _You get to kiss her_. The woman you’ve been in love with for a very long time now. The thought still baffles you. You want to explore every part of her with your lips and your tongue, and you want to show her how much she means to you, so you take your time.

You trail kisses along all parts of her body. You start with her cheek, her jaw line and her earlobe and go slowly down to her fingertips, first on her right arm, then on her left. She squirms under your touch when you kiss all over her ribs and lets out some quiet moans when you concentrate on her breasts.

You kiss further down and caress every bit of skin you can reach with your lips and your hands. You hook her leg over your shoulder and move slowly upwards. When you reach the inside of her thigh, you look up and find Laura watching you.

It’s a silly thought, since you’re currently situated between her legs, but you feel like she’s too far away. You frown, but then you remember that you’ll have more opportunities like this.

She looks concerned and maybe your frown wasn’t as subtle as you thought. You reach up and guide her hand down. Gently you kiss each of her knuckles before you interlace your fingers and her face breaks into the most beautiful smile.

You smile right back and for a moment you just grin dopeyly at each other, until you remember that you were in the middle of something. You lean down and kiss her inner thigh again and move up from there steadily inching closer to her center.

You slide your tongue through her and she shudders beneath you at the first touch of her clit. You’re determined to make her feel good with everything you have and you start to lick and suck and tease all parts of her most sensitive area.

Without stopping you glimpse up at her and she is leaning back against her pillow now, with her eyes closed and her mouth slightly open. Her breathing is heavy and when you push your tongue a little bit into her it hitches audibly.

You bring your free hand down and enter her carefully with one finger. It slips in at ease, so you add another one and you continue to stroke her with your tongue. Soon, she clenches around your fingers and you curl them and suck on her clit. Laura comes with a series of moans and squeezes your hand that is still entwined with hers.

You let her ride out her orgasm before you crawl up to her. You’re both sweaty, but you couldn’t care less when you snuggle up to her. She pulls you into a deep kiss as soon as you lay down and you drag the blanket above the two of you. You never want to leave this exact spot ever again.

There are many reasons why you eventually have to, though.

“What are you doing tonight?” You ask after a while of just enjoying her body against yours.

“You?” She raises her eyebrow and you both laugh. “Nothing, why?” She then adds more seriously.

“I think you wanted to take me on a date,” you say smugly. You want to make sure that you see her again as soon as possible.

“I guess that’s true,” she says and tightens her grip around you. “We could just stay here until then.”

“As much as I’d like that, I should probably go and talk to my roommate,” you sigh, but your heart swells with joy, because apparently her idea of how to spend the day includes you as much as yours includes her. You grin and add, “I just need an excuse to come back soon.”

“Then I better give you one,” she says with a smile. “Can we take your car?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Pick me up around seven?”

“I’m looking forward to it,” you answer and kiss her before you try to get up. And fail, because Laura doesn’t let you go.

A few more minutes won’t hurt, you think, and sink back into her embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. I hope you like it.  
> I definitely need something new to write, but I'm bad at finding topics, so it takes forever. Maybe you can help me, I'm open for suggestions.

**Author's Note:**

> as always, find me on tumblr at ghost-in-your-house.tumblr.com and tell me what you think in the comments, I really appreciate feedback :)


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